Blackout

I am a huge fan of alcohol and that's all there is too it. I enjoy the freedom of not giving a fuck for a few hours, because that's all I do all day every day and I just need to escape. But lately I am not gaining tolerance to alcohol and if anything I am becoming less tolerant. I drink a fair amount but the side effects are such that I blackout for half an evening. That's several occasions of hours of my life where I don't know what the hell I was doing. And this scares and shames me.

"What's wrong if a girl loves sex?

You only care because it's not with you. So maybe you should just get better in bed..."

Possibly the lyric that has hit home the most. It's true. I am possibly a little too obsessed but come on! Teenage lifestyle and all that! Student life actually... Uni really does change you in that respect. People either want relationships or sex so get in with one or the other or else it'll be a lonely ride guys.

Guilt

"Guilt (noun): a cognitive or emotional experience that occurs when a person believes that they have compromised their own standards of conduct, or violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation."

Even though it's over now, and it can't be undone, I can't help but feel guilty and that anyone else would judge me for it. It's come out to a couple of people already, and I bet eventually it will be no secret to that person who I have hurt. The worst thing is, that even though I feel bad for doing it, I don't regret it one bit and I would do it again if I had the chance. I am a genuinely bad person.

Relationships

It’s funny how by being the one to break up a relationship, that you are the asshole. As if it’s not hurt you too and that you don’t shed a tear. The difference is that you mourn the relationship before it’s over, that you know the inevitable is coming, that you’re going to have to break someone’s heart and that there is nothing you can do about it. At least you have the courage to stand up and say “it’s not working”. Realistically, the two people in the relationship know it’s gone to crap.